The Only Reason Why You’re Not Married Yet
Posted on 11-06-2025
Category: Lifestyle
Few years ago television writer Tracy McMillan (Mad Men) sparked controversy with her article Why You’re Not Marriedd giving women who want to be married, and weren’t, a list of six reasons why no one had put a ring on it. Earlier this year she came back with a list of four more reasons in the article Why You’re Still not Married She also has a book chock-full of additional reasons in case you didn’t have luck after her first suggestions, but her preliminary list comes down to these 10 reasons:
1) You’re a Bitch, 2) You’re Shallow 3) You’re a Slut, 4) You’re a Liar, 5) You’re Selfish 6) You’re Not Good Enough 7) You’re a Mess 8)You’re Crazy 9) You’re a Dude (i.e. too aggressive when it comes to relationships) 10) You’re Godless
My issue with this list isn’t that it’s anti-feminist, or mean-spirited; It’s the fact that it isn’t true. None of these are reasons why a woman wouldn’t be married. In fact, there are whole television series based on slutty, crazy, mean women that have made that walk down the aisle called Real Housewives. Or Keeping up With the Kardashians.
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You can probably rattle off at least a few married women that you know personally that meet some, if not all of the criteria listed above. I’m sure you can also think of a least a few women that you know personally that meet none of the criteria above who are single.
Even if you are a steaming hot mess, there are too many men in this world who love steaming hot messes. I know really mean women, gold digging women, women who berate men, women who don’t take care of their kids, women who slept with their husbands on the first date, homewreckers…you name it, who have made that walk down the aisle.
The idea that being a good woman will automatically set you up to be a wife is, unfortunately, a big fat myth that articles like this keep perpetuating. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t examine ourselves, strengthen our weaknesses, or look at the ways that we can sabotage our own relationships. What I am saying is that “single” is not synonymous with “character flaw” and married is definitely not another word for “got it all together.”
We have to stop fronting like married women are married because they lived by a superior moral code, have it all together and put the three-month rule in place before doing the deed. The dirty little secret that most married women aren’t telling you is that we don’t actually have a “secret” as to how we ended up with a husband. (If you don’t believe me, ask a few of your married friends what step-by-step guide they used to get hitched and see how many of them say Think Like a Man, or something similar– I’m going to go out on a limb and say zero). My belief is that most women ended up with men who a) loved us, hot messes or not and b) were ready to ask.
Which brings me to the real reason why you aren’t married yet. The reason why you’re still not married is because you haven’t found the man who is ready to ask. For all of the change this way or that way to get a man, I think the unromantic reality is that your relationship status is determined mostly by timing and the men you choose (or don’t choose) to date and not the fact that your personality acts as a male-repellent.
I don’t think that the article is entirely without merit, however. At its base I think it is saying for women to work on being better people, which is always a good suggestion. But why not stop being a liar or a slut or an all-around bad person for yourself, not simply because you think you’re going to get a ring out of it? That way, when you do find “the one,” you’ll be better prepared not just to get married (the easy part) but to make it last (the hard part) so you won’t be reading what I imagine would be McMillan’s follow-up book Why You Aren’t Married Anymore.
Is Tracy McMillan’s list true? What do you think is the main thing keeps a woman from finding a man?